Metacognition: The Attic

It ain't my best work, but at least I did work.

But seriously. I tried, I really did, but I'll admit that my short story didn't exactly end up the way I wanted it to.

I am lucky enough to live in a family that is the complete opposite of the one in my story. My parents are happily married and almost never fight, I have a decent relationship with my Mom and Dad and I've never been to in my attic but I've heard it's really creepy. 

However, I do think of running away an awful lot. And because of this I tried to create a setting and plot that forced my main character to run away. I wanted to put her in an awful situation and make her realize that the only solution to her inner and outer turmoil was to run away.

Whenever I think of running away I think about how I was young, I would always put my stuffed animals, some money, and a shirt into a blanket, tied it together, throw it over my shoulder and set off down the street. And my older sisters would always run and catch me and bring me back home. Running away doesn't have to mean physically going away though, it can also mean mentally and emotionally sending yourself to another world. That's what music and sports do for me, they send me to another place with no people and no problems.

That is where the Attic came in. I could see it in my head. Auburn walls, a round window under a tilted roof, squeaky floors, lamps to create a warm light at night. I'd always wanted a little home like that for myself and so I created it for my character instead. She just needed a reason to go there.

So I gave her a reason. I gave her shitty parents, a little sister, and eternal anger at her situation. And a gun, but that comes a little later. And when you're a teenager like she is, and you want to leave your house so badly but have absolutely no way to do that, you find something else. Like an attic. 

Maybe the reason I am trying to hard to relate to my character but can't is because we have no similarities at all. My situation is most definitely not her situation. But, when she is in the attic, I know exactly how she is feeling. We are the same person, with the same needs. We want to leave and we want to leave now. The attic may seem like such a small part in my story but it the save haven, the place of peace, and my characters only true home.

And I tried hard to make that evident. And if it isn't evident than at least I tried. I'll admit this isn't my best work, but I needed to challenge myself and this was the only way I could. I've written enough stories and songs that I completely understand, and this time I wanted to be a bit lost, along with my readers. Jack White, one my favorite musicians, think the same way. He believes he has to defeat the music in order to make it sound good. I wanted to defeat my story, work against its tendencies and tame it, bring it in. Like Jack White would say, “I keep guitars that are, you know, the neck's a little bit bent and it's a little bit out of tune. I want to work and battle it and conquer it and make it express whatever attitude I have at that moment. I want it to be a struggle.”

Yea, Mr. Allen, it might not be my best work, but at least I tried.